Grief, Part II
As promised, I’m reporting back on month 3. And I need to give a disclaimer as I don’t think I even mentioned it last entry – but you guys! We are living through a global pandemic, lets make sure we keep that in the forefront of our minds as we navigate this journey. With that being said, month 3 really wasn’t any worse than month 2 although I felt different. Different how? Good question. I would describe it as snappy, or short tempered. Now, as my disclaimer stated, because of the pandemic everything is altered and unlike “normal” life, so it’s hard to say if the grief caused the irritability or the weight of the pandemic or both? I definitely felt more curt, abrupt and short-tempered than usual. However, the weepy sadness hasn’t reared its ugly head in quite some time. It’s a double edge sword. Neither are fun. But both are completely normal.
During my shift from tears to testy, I came across this quote from Eva Longoria. She says to “Hold on to the love, not the loss.” And wow. I felt that in my bones. If I were Eva, though, I would have changed to read “Hold on to the love, AND the loss” – because the loss is part of the process, the journey and it can be part of the beauty, if you let it. If there was no love, the loss wouldn’t be so hard to grasp. That thought is a beautiful way to look at it.
Loosing my dad, slowly, piece by piece was not beautiful – but the quiet times where I could hold his hand and play him his favorite song was. The time where he played pass in his wheelchair with my boys was. The time he cried when I told him I was pregnant was. There is beauty in the loss. I saw it firsthand. And I cling to it.
Grief has it’s beauty too. The rawness, the vulnerability, the darkness. It can all be beautiful. It’s just the vantage point that you look at it through. And trust me, I know it’s easy for me to type this out and for you to read it, putting it in to action isn’t as easy as that. But it’s worth it. And I’m here to remind you that you can do it. Find the beauty. Find the love and embrace the loss. Maybe the next blog should be titled, “But, how?” …..
… stay tuned
Keep on, keepin on!
Xx,
Rachael
